Hey you! You're tuned in to The Skirts Up Show with Samantha and Melissa. Join our mission to normalize failure, but still uncover the positives at every twist and turn. Skirts Up! But keep your panties on.

Samantha: What's up, Skirts Up Squad? It is Samantha.

Melissa: And Melissa.

We are here today and we're excited to bring you what we're bringing you, but it did kind of start with our fail. Um, we forgot to put our headphones on for this interview today. So there was a lot of shit that Sam had to work with to try to get a good episode for you guys.

Sam: We were like, headphones. We wear them. so were like, this is useless. And so then it wasn't until after we recorded the whole conversation that we [00:01:00] like went and replayed a little bit of it and we were like, oh my gosh, hear her in our feed.

Melissa: Yeah. So, that was a shit show for you today.

Sam: it was, it was a very long process of uploading and uploading, uploading, trying something different, unloading, and just doing it over and over again until finally our usual way just was not going to work. And that was just what we were gonna have to flow with. And so what we use to usually record our voices, I just thought, well, if nothing else is working, I'm going to go ahead and drag them into that forum. And then from there I hadto literally go through the whole episode and then splice out all of our pauses on our recording so that you wouldn't hear our sweet, sweet guest like, yeah. So to put it back into our usual thing

Melissa: so you guys she was working on this, I would say…I'm not gonna say how long you worked on it But I wouldn't be surprised if it was five six hours. Am I wrong? So, I think that it's kind of a success because I think that we have a really good support in our, in our, um, skirts up squad. So we feel like comfortable enough to tell you guys, Hey, this episode might be a little choppy, but in Melissa's opinion, Sam worked magic and you're going to like it. So please, no, you're going to love our guest.

Samantha: Whether you like it or not.

Melissa: Yeah, whether you like it or not, you're gonna love our guest

Samantha: Honestly, the fail ties into our episode because like, I have had so much on my plate, whether it be family and health event and podcasting and that it's like been so much to where you go, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow, but then tomorrow never comes because then it becomes a big thing. And it's really funny because. That's exactly what Miss Jill is here to talk to us about

Melissa: Holy crap. She did say that. So eat the frog. Just remember that guys. Listen to the episode. She says eat the frog. It changed my life. And um, Jacob says it to me all the time now. If I have like a day where there's a project I'm just not wanting to get to, he's like, just eat the frog. So.

Samantha: Oh, I definitely say that to myself more than I would. Like that was like the key thing and why it's titled that.

Melissa: you title it that? Oh guys, I didn't actually know that. We're just on same page. Holy crap. Okay.

Samantha: All right guys, now shut up And, listen to this perfectly put together episode. You're welcome.

Melissa: Skirts up!

We are so excited to have with us [00:04:00] today, speaker and coach, Jill Wright. She is the author of the book, Happy, Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise. She also is the producer and host of her own podcast, Grow Like a Mother. And so, kind of excited to hear more about that, of course.

Samantha: Yeah, Jill has some ways to help us identify our superpower and to help us understand how we can use it to have that healthy work life balance that we all desire to have.

So, welcome Jill.

Melissa: Thanks for being and taking the time to be with us.

Jill: I'm so happy to be with you girls today.

Samantha: This is awesome. So, tell us a little bit about yourself. Tell us about, how your podcast and your book and your prototype in general became?

Melissa: Yeah. How, where did you start? How did it come to be?

Jill: It, uh, well, I think as with most businesses, it came, it came from a place of just needing the information myself. Um, I'm a mom and, at the time of this, I was a mom of two when everything sort of, , started to fall [00:05:00] apart. I'll say, , I think a lot of us can experience Those moments in early motherhood where we're just like, okay, everything is hitting the fan. This is crazy. I was also trying to start, , a retail business. I was leaving my full time job. I had just finished my second, um, maternity leave. And I was like, you know what? I don't want to go back to work. I want to, Work for myself. I want to be available to these kids a little bit more without the commute and blah, blah. So, um, I thought I'm going to open up a consignment store for women in my neighborhood and, uh, the timing could not have been worse. It was the, , early days of the pandemic as it turned out. So, um, it was really challenging to get a retail store up and running. And I had one of my kids diagnosed with autism during that same time period, and I was really suffering quite badly with postpartum depression and anxiety.

So, it was, it was just out of necessity of trying to keep it all together, and. I started to like research different productivity tools [00:06:00] and time management hacks and figure out how to do it all because I really wanted to do it all. Well, and I realized that as a mom, as a working mom, the tools, although they seemed really great, were really difficult to implement in my real life. And so I started tweaking them to make them work for me. And I wanted to share what I was doing with other moms because I thought, for sure, I can't be the only one who, like, wants to do a whole bunch of things but can't figure it out. So that's where the Grow Like a Mother podcast started.

Melissa: Grow Like a Mother. Okay. Um. Can you give us an example? Like, what were you finding? Like, okay, this is what they're saying we should do, but this just doesn't feel realistic. And then maybe you kind of like realized, okay, I can tweak this.

Jill: Totally. My favorite example that I think everyone will resonate with is the morning routine, because we hear all the successful professionals, they get up, they do their workout, they do their gratitude, they have their green juice, like they have a routine, that helps set them up for the day, which feels [00:07:00] incredible. And I can see the value in all of those things. , but my kids woke up at 4 30 or 5 AM and I'm like, no way. Yeah. No way. Am I getting up at three to do this. Like that's just not possible. And for a while I felt really defeated. I thought, well, I just can't be successful if I can't have a morning routine because my kids are early.

Melissa: Cause that's what executives who are successful do like, yeah. Okay.

Jill: So I thought, well. So, wait a minute. Maybe I can make a night routine instead. Maybe I can set myself up for success the night before. I can use that hour after my kids go to bed. I can do all the things that most people do in the morning, and then I fall asleep, and I wake up fully rested, having done all the things I wanted to do as part of my routine, and just start the day from there. Um, and that was, I think, the moment that I realized, oh, we can just tweak it. We can still do this. We just need to tweak it.

Melissa: love that. Yeah, because like

Samantha: That makes sense.

Melissa: I love that because I feel like I'm going to start thinking of it that way. Oh, this is my night [00:08:00] routine. Because I feel like there have been instances where I think, Okay, I'm just going to do this tonight because I know I'm not going to want to get up and do it in the morning.

But if I start like planning every day, like every future day that way, I could see that and just thinking like, this is just how I work.

Samantha: That's actually one of the stressors that was just put on me, so I relate. In the therapy that I'm doing, they were like, Okay, so to help manage your symptoms and what's going on with your PTSD and all the things, anxiety. She was like, you need routine. So you need to have the same routine that you do every morning and every night. So that no matter what happens in the day, you have that to fall back on. And you can at least say, well at least this happened and this happened. Just like, as it's supposed to. And I'm like, oh. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Because I, there's, I don't have time for that. Like the kids are up so early. You never know what mood they're going to be in. You never know, like your whole day is adjusted by them. So that's just not feasible. So it's interesting to maybe think of, okay, maybe I don't have to have like a full routine in the morning and a full routine at night, but also the big kids go to school, so maybe an afternoon routine is maybe where I need to start

Jill: Yeah, you could even have a lunchtime routine. It doesn't have to be any particular time of the day. Right?

Melissa: Okay. That is true. So that being said, do you think everybody, um, functions better if they have a routine? Or do you think, because like people are different, right? And that kind of brings up your quiz that you have actually.

Jill: Yeah. No, that's such a good point. One of the things that I realized as I was doing so much learning and putting together all the tools was that some of them worked well for me and some didn't. But that didn't mean they were bad tools. They didn't work for me in that particular phase of life I was in, or there was something about my personality, my circumstances, my preferences that didn't jive exactly with that thing. But I could think of someone that would work really well for. And so what I ended up doing was classifying all of the hundreds of tools that I've learned into four different categories, and I developed a quiz so that [00:10:00] people can. Easily find out which archetype that they are in terms of how they manage their time best and then give them tools that are going to actually work for them because what happens is that we hear about something on a podcast or in a book and we try it and then if it doesn't work for us. We get defeated and we think it's us and we're like, well, that's just more proof that I can't, can't do it. Right. And that's not the case. It's just, you need the right tools.

Melissa: What are the tools , I want to know

Samantha: before you tell us,

Melissa: So many questions. Sorry,

Samantha: before you tell us the types that you have found and broke it down into, how did you develop that? Is it just through observation how you categorized these protocols? Or is it actually something

Melissa: that was a really good question, Sam?

Sam: Thank you.

Jill: It's a great question. And I don't have like a super solid answer because I almost feel like I intuited them. They almost felt like all of a sudden there they were, and I knew that there was the four and I could see different people in my life [00:11:00] as one of these four. And I just started to experiment with it. And I just. Made a spreadsheet. I'm pretty systemized in the way that I do things. And so I, I added all of the tools under the archetype that I thought would match and I did some testing. I did some research. I did some trial coaching runs with people after they had completed the quiz and it all worked. And with a few tweaks here and there, and as I go, I continue to, to really hone it and perfect it as I get feedback from people. But it was, it was,

Melissa: how long have you been doing this? Sorry.

Jill: No, no, I would say probably, um, I'm about eight or eight or nine months into having this framework.

Melissa: Okay. Okay. So it's still new, but you are learning a lot.

Jill: Yeah.

Melissa: Oh, I'm impressed. Okay.

Sam: All right. Well, I already did your quiz that is more geared towards the moms. And [00:12:00] so I learned what my super strength is and I am a high performer.

Jill: You're a high performer. Exactly. , as you mentioned, there's a quiz that's geared towards moms, and then I have the exact same quiz with slightly different questions and different names of archetypes, but the bones of it is the same, that's geared towards people who aren't moms. And I use that quiz a lot when I do corporate workshops and things like that, because not everyone is a mom. Um, and even though you're, let's say, uh, a non mom, but you're a working woman in the workforce or you're a dad in the workforce or your stay at home dad, all of these types Still relate to all people. So it's just how we talk about them. So Sam, you got the high performer. And if we're talking about that same archetype, when I, when I do the non mom version, it's called the energized achiever. [00:13:00] And so this, particular person is, is what I am as well. . I nickname it lovingly the workaholic, right? We are, right. Uh, we're so in business and we have so much we want to do, and we can often suffer with guilt of being somewhere else in our mind, even though we're present. Maybe with our kids, we're at work in our mind and vice versa. Um, and so there's a lot of interesting things that come up with that. Like, for example, I always joke that when I'm in my high performer, um, role, it's me on the couch watching a movie with the kids, but like sneaking a peek at the, at the messages on my phone, just to see what's going on at work and make sure that I'm all up to date. And once I run through them all, I can give you guys some really specific tips. Um, and maybe some tips for each category of what is a good type of rest for you. Um, and maybe some tools.

Melissa: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Really quick. Do you, I just would like to [00:14:00] say, um, I didn't realize that you had two quizzes or I couldn't find it, this other quiz. And so we're going to have the link for you, for everybody out there who, whether you're a mom or not, so you can take the quiz. But, um, I tried to take it as if I was a mother, which. It's kind of tricky and then I got the same response that, not response, but answer that Sam did where it said I'm a high performer and I was like, this can't be right. So two things I had thought. Maybe I am a high performer and I'm just a different type of personality and so I handle it different. I don't know. We can get into that. But also, um, Yeah. You did offer to do the non mother quiz for us live.

Jill: Let's walk through.

Melissa: With me.

Jill: Yeah. I think that'd be super fun.

Um, and like I said, the questions are pretty similar, so you might end up with the same result. But think, there's two ways to do the quiz, or two things to think about, I guess, when you're doing the [00:15:00] quiz. You can think about answering the questions from the work version of you. And, or you can think about answering the questions as the home version of you, because you may have different styles in your different roles. So you may be a high performer at work, but at home you might be the selfless giver, or you could be, today the high performer and then things change in your life and two years down the road you take the quiz, but now you're the multifaceted mama. And all of a sudden. Different tools are going to work for you.So it's seasonal based on where you're at now, not what happened before, not what you think might be going on, but where you're at today. And then just keep in mind if you prefer to answer the questions from work you or home you, and that will help guide you.

Melissa: Okay.

Samantha: This is not putting us into a box. We evolve.

Jill: Yeah, I love that.

Melissa: Exactly.

Jill: Okay, cool. So, we're going to take the quiz. It's called the transform your time [00:16:00] quiz. First question, at a restaurant with your friends, you're the one who figures out the tip, tries something new on the menu, makes sure everyone gets a seat that they want, or wants to know what everyone's ordering before you choose.

Sam: I know what I would say for you.

Melissa: know what you would say for me. Um, I know everybody who goes out to eat with me would definitely say, I need to know what everyone's ordering before I choose.

Sam: Yes.

Melissa: That being said. I definitely am looking around and trying to make sure everyone's in the most comfortable space for them, sitting by who they want to sit by, and then like, that at the end when it's time to do the tip, we, I don't know.

So I don't know which way to go for this, but, um, cause there's an outside version and an inside version of me. I'm gonna go with the outside one that everyone sees anyway. Okay. Which is, I have to know, what are you guys gonna get?

Jill: Cool. Okay. We'll go with that one. And then we can always retake the quiz and see if a different answer resonates based on changing that answer at a later date.

But we'll go [00:17:00] with that because that was your first, your first instinct. Okay. , second question. Your superpower is connecting all the dots, building connections between people, seeing all perspectives of a situation, or learning new things at lightning speed. Okay. All right.

Melissa: Seeing all the perspectives.

Jill: Okay, this is going good. Even as a kid, you remembered all of your friend's birthdays. excelled at whatever you put your mind to, had FOMO, fear of missing out, or had fun doing the group activities. Hmm. Okay. Group activities. Excelling at whatever you put your mind to.

Melissa: I would say maybe that one, because I feel like I like to try lots of different things, and I feel like I can do what I want to do. I just got to do it.

Jill: Okay, perfect. Next question, your biggest fear. [00:18:00] Your biggest fear is not being able to protect your loved ones. Not living life to the fullest, never discovering your true calling, or stress induced burnout. Oh, that is tricky because the first one is what I want to say, but throughout the years I've learned that I have to watch out for the stress induced burnout because it can happen.

Melissa: It's not a big fear for me anymore because I know some of the signs, so I guess I'll say the first one. Yeah, not being able to protect loved ones.

Jill: Okay. Two more questions. If there was a yearbook for adulthood, you'd be voted most likely to master the corporate landscape, travel the world, start a charity, or become an entrepreneur?

Samantha: Oh, gosh. Well, you are an entrepreneur, so I say.

Melissa: I guess that one, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Jill: And then the last, the last question [00:19:00] in six months, you would love to achieve a major career milestone, receive a promotion, tackle a new project that excites you, or confidently step into a leadership role.

Melissa: Um, I think I would have to say achieve a major career milestone. Okay. Which is kind of happening right now, a little, anyway. Yeah.

Jill: So, based on those answers, you actually did get placed in a different category.

Okay. So, the category that you're placed in is called the Cooperative Visionary, which on the Supermom version is called the Team Player. And so, I'll read you the little results. See if this resonates. So it says congratulations. You're a cooperative visionary Which means that you have a knack for working in community with others I wonder if you struggle with [00:20:00] decision making or gasp even procrastination.

You're not alone. I totally Think totally know what it feels like you likely have an incessant inner critic Or nagging self doubt that emphasizes your fear of disappointing others, causing you to resist being the leader, even in your own life, others might think that you're unmotivated, but really just, you're scared of getting things wrong and you wish you had a clear rule book for work and life. That doesn't sound like you at all. I don't know who that sounds like. Oh, that's funny. I don't think the last part does sound like me, actually. Okay, not necessarily the last part, but like everything. Oh my gosh. I was like, hello.

Melissa: So, I'm wondering, cause this kind of brings up my question from earlier. So, can team players Or motivated, or wait, wait, wait, motivated, wait, what are you again?

Jill: High performer.

Melissa: High performer, thanks. So Sam's a high performer. I'm [00:21:00] a team player, so they say, so Jill says actually. Can you have like among each category or archetype, can you have like different personalities still handling the same archetype in a different way? So, for instance, the reason I ask this now is because, , the last part of the description was saying, Oh, you have a hard time being a leader. I would say that, leading is not hard for me. But, I definitely still have that nagging doubt and the self doubt. And so, a lot of times I will kind of just step back, And wait until I feel like okay, somebody needs to like make a decision And then maybe i'll jump in but I don't know

Samantha: and I would lovingly say that You worry so much about hurting people's feelings on your team that you will back off until Like and let them you're likely to get stepped on until you're like, whoa, whoa, [00:22:00] whoa, whoa, and then you take charge

Melissa: Oh interesting. Okay,

Jill: that's fair. It's good.

Melissa: Thank you for that outside assessment my friend

Jill: It's always so interesting to see how others perceive us as well. Because one of the questions that I ask when I'm coaching one on one is what would others perceive you as on this quiz versus what did you get? , but to answer your original question., Yes, different personalities can certainly be in these different archetypes and experience them in different ways. It's just a bucket, and then from there we get really personal. I also love to bring in human design, if you know your human design, which is just based on your birth date, like astrology is. And, And sometimes your human design will fit in really nicely with one of your archetypes. And sometimes it will complement it and we can dive even more deeply into tools that will work for you.[00:23:00]

Melissa: Is human design the, um, I feel like I've heard someone talk about this before. Is that where it kind of helps you find your life path and your calling?

Jill: Yes. Yes. So. It's actually, it's a framework that's pretty new. I think it was, was, developed in the 70s or 80s. And it's a combination of astrology of, , there's 4 different main types of things that have sort of, Merged together to, to do your human design and it goes really deep, but essentially you can be one of five main energy types. And so I just look at it from high level like that of the five energy types. How do they relate to the super mom types? And how can we use that information to support you through because it's energy management as much as it is time management, what I teach.

Melissa: Oh, Okay.

Samantha: So why don't you go ahead and tell us. The subdivisions that you have in your quiz and a brief description of what they are. And [00:24:00] then, yeah, let's talk about delving in.

Jill: Yeah, let's get into it. How to personalize it maybe. Yeah, for sure. So, uh, the first one I talk about is that team player or the cooperative visionary, right? Which we established Melissa is, , that person I like to describe as somebody who is It's very community oriented. They like to work in a group and they care deeply that everyone is heard and seen. So much so that as Samantha, you were reflecting, you can often step back and, and defer to others. , even though you do have a lot of knowledge and value to bring to the table, you can sometimes be overlooked, right? Um, the, the real life situation that I often think about for these. cooperative visionaries is, the decision making function can be stressful, right? So this could be someone who obsessively researches before [00:25:00] making a decision. Like if you're getting a car, right?

Melissa: It's me. I get made fun of, uh, one of my very dear friends, Melissa Walker. You all know her. She teases me because I love reading about everything before I try to get something. And I know that that can be lead to analysis paralysis.

Jill: Mm hmm. But that is just how you innately will function through life. That's how you best distill decisions because you want to have all the information. You really want to get it right. That's the other thing is you really, you want to get things right. You want to do it right. And so that can be really, uh, a growth edge, if you will.

Melissa: Yeah, it could, it could be a double edged sword.

Jill: It's a double edged sword. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so some of the things that I recommend for people with this archetype is doing things for example, for productivity, doing co working. So if you have, if you're working, , [00:26:00] and you have a computer in front of you, you can find other people who can literally. Hop on Zoom at the same time as you, take five minutes and say what you're working on, and then just mute each other, turn the video on or off, doesn't matter, and work for a designated amount of time, and then you come back at the end, and you're like, hey, I accomplished this, or I didn't, and you can be celebrated, but you can sort of be held accountable for the work that you're trying to do.

Melissa: Oh my gosh, you're like, it's as if you know me. That is crazy because Sam literally just asked me,

Samantha: Hey, when we're done with all of our tasks today, can I just sit in the corner with my earbuds in and you can pretend I'm not here, but then I'll feel like I'm being productive because you'll be holding me accountable.

Melissa: Well, like, yeah, because like I'm here, I've got all my stuff open and it's not like it's closed. I'm transferring back to a different part of my life. Like I can focus on this here and now. And so that is so interesting. Yeah. That's how cool. That's what works for me. Okay, so I'm glad that that is already something on your radar [00:27:00] because that's going to be really helpful.

Jill: ,

 another really cool thing for team players is, , figuring out how to prioritize your tasks. So there's a couple ways that I like to suggest to do that. But, , have you heard of the rocks, pebbles and sand analogy?

Melissa: Um, yeah, like do like, I'm going to guess that it's like you fill a jar. You're going to throw in.

Okay. The rocks and pebbles first, because sand can sift through and around. So you're going to do your biggest tasks first and try to like, you can get the smaller ones in later. But if you try to like the little ones first, you're going to not have enough time to do, you won't be able to fit everything in the jar.

Jill: You got it. And my favorite way to describe this to people is called eat your frog.

There is this old fable that says, If the first thing you do every morning is eat a live frog, nothing worse can happen to you for the rest of the day. And so, . If the first thing that you do every day is eat a live [00:28:00] frog, Nothing worse can happen to you for the rest of the day. So in, I, in the, um, late eighties and early nineties, a productivity consultant named Brian Tracy took this to heart and he, he sort of made the frog, the thing on your to do list that you most want to do.

don't want to do. So he's like, eat your frog. Do the thing that you don't want to do first, because what happens is that if you leave this frog on your desk, it's going to grow smellier and grosser throughout the day. You're going to want to do it less and less. Right. And You're going to get busy doing a hundred other things that aren't important, but really they don't move the needle for you until you eat this frog. Whereas if you eat the frog first, you get energy from the protein of the frog, you get momentum for having done the thing, and it often will take you a lot less time and it will be a lot less painful than you think. So you have the rest of the day to [00:29:00] get things done in a better mindset. So eat your frog to me, Do the hard thing first, do the thing you want to procrastinate on first.

Melissa: Ah, I love that. I like that. Yeah. It's something I have learned about myself, actually. I've got, cause like if I leave it too long, it becomes like a huge mental block. And I suddenly, like you said, it grows stinkier and it's

Jill: more daunting.

Melissa: Yeah. Which is, it's all, it's all in your mind. But cool.

Jill: So I'll take you then to the next type, which is called the multifaceted mama or the passionate adventurer. So this is the type of person who might have squirrel brain. They're into a lot of things at once they multitask and they get very easily distracted, but like it. It works for them, the multitasking thing, whereas for most other people, it's not something I would suggest, but multitasking is actually an okay thing if you're this particular archetype, because your brain naturally wants to have a lot going on at once. You have many different interests and you want to, you want to do it all so you don't miss out, right? , a real life example would be I feel like a lot of us can relate to this anyways, just with, um, overwhelm happening in our brains, but the multifaceted mama is the one who calls her kids by different names all the time. Like she just can't quite figure out who's who, you know, it's, she's too busy in her mind to really sit down and get it right. She's like you there, Bob and Claire, and let's just, let's go. You know who I'm talking to, let's go. Exactly.

Melissa: ,

i'm just gonna share we did a grounding exercise today we were like there's too many things going on and sam was like I can't my brain is skipping and I died Uh, we need to close all the tabs and she goes, okay So we took a break and we're like doing like this energy drop release exercise and I was like, okay I think I at least closed five tabs.

Jill: All right, we're okay [00:31:00] Love it Love it. Um, one of the things about the high performer is you're probably going to find that you have literally, on your browser, a million tabs open at any given time. It's the same with a multi, multi passionate. Another really good thing to do is putting times on your to do list. So if you've got your to do list and beside each task just write a dash and how long it's going to take, that can really help you structure your day if your brain's kind of scattering because you're like, okay, I've got 20 minutes. Instead of wondering what you're going to do and wasting the 20 minutes, you can look your to do list and find things that are less than 20 minutes and just knock it off.

Melissa: Right. Okay. Okay. I'm liking this.

Yeah. That's actually really. Good one as well for, the cooperative visionary and the team player, if you struggle with, I don't know what to do next. The third type is called the selfless giver. I also call that the relationship builder, right? So this is the type of person who will almost [00:32:00] martyr them, martyr themselves. In service of others. They care so deeply and they just want everyone to know how much they care, even to the point where it builds resentment. Cause they don't feel that they're being recognized as they should be. Right. So, um, in real life, this person is probably the one trying to fix everybody else like out of love, but it's really annoying because they're the, like almost the hoverers, right. And the ones who are always like, be careful, be safe, right. usually what I find with moms who, who categorize in this type is that Their self care is non existent and they have no boundaries like they just give and give and give and like when I teach my definition of burnout is the inequal exchange of energy out and energy in, and so when you're giving so much out and not getting enough back, of course, you're going to burn out, right? And that's really common for this type.

Samantha: So this sounds like how my husband and I [00:33:00] talk to each other when we are a little feeling off. We talk about it as like the love cup and we're like, all right, my cup is half full. So I feel like we need to balance it a little bit.

Melissa: Exchange.

Samantha: Mm hmm.

Melissa: It's interesting that she said that because I was actually writing down a note for myself to say that it kind of reminds me of, um, the energy exchange and relationships is, is, it's important to have an equal balance, but it sounds like you're saying we also need to remember that energy exchange within ourselves in and out.

Jill: Yeah, absolutely. Because we can, we can get depleted if our focus is always on other people. A lot. more easily. Some of the other types inherently will protect, protect their energy and protect their boundaries a little bit more than this, um, selfless giver relationship builder type. So for them, some of the tools that help them move through their day are things like, Time [00:34:00] confetti. Time confetti is a really fun way of looking at the free time you have in your day when they come in pockets of like five minutes or ten minutes, right? Feels like it could be wasted time throughout the day, but if you're intentional about using those moments to do something for you, then you can fill up your throughout the day so that as you continue giving your continue filling, but it doesn't have to be an hour of self care. Um, it can just be, Oh, I've got five minutes. Perfect. I'm going to do some gratitude work. I'm going to grab a glass of water. I'm going to, um, go for a walk. I'm going to call my friend, whatever it is for you that fills you up, which is again, so personal.

Melissa: I do love that you threw gratitude work in as something to do for yourself because

Samantha: it does bring yourself positivity.

Melissa: Yeah,

Samantha: it does. That's beautiful. Okay. Thank you.

Jill: Yeah.

Melissa: It's really still interesting because I feel like in every single one of the tips you've given, I've kind of seen like, Oh, I could use [00:35:00] that too, even though I'm not maybe that type per se right now, but, so this is, this is beautiful.

Jill: Yeah. And some of the tools, if they feel resonant for you, might need to be crafted just slightly in a way that works for you

 So this high performer slash energized achiever is the last archetype and, , tools that work well for you because you are that workaholic, maybe checking your, , laptop on vacation type of thing, right? , we talked about that frequent breaks, either that 40 to 45 minute mark or the Pomodoro method. That's really good. Um, but one thing actually that's. A big counterintuitive to time management, it's just energy management, but it works so well, is having affirmations that you speak aloud or write down that are based on your self worth not being tied to your productivity. Because what happens Is we find in this role like we want to keep going and keep going, keep going because we get our worth from what we produce. And so if you can shift in your mind subconsciously through affirmations or hypnosis or meditation, my worth is intrinsic just as I am when I rest. I am still worthy, right? Um, which brings me into the next idea for, for high performers is reframing rest as a productivity tool. I have a framework that I, depending on your human design type, I can recommend lots of different types of rest.  That differ between energy types. So I'd be curious to know, send me a note later, figure out your human design type. Just Google it. You can find it. And I can give you some ideas on the different types of rest that will work for you. Because some people need to rest through busy work. Sitting and meditating is not restful for them. They need to wash the dishes or be on a walk, right?

Melissa: was just saying that you told her this morning that she could rest while she was washing dishes and I was like, Oh no! Dishes, and then telling myself it's a rest. That's just a trick. But, um, if it's What works for her, that's what works.

Samantha: I feel like she talked to my therapist because, literally, like, it's, um,

Melissa: You feel like Jill talked to your therapist?

Samantha: Yeah, I feel like Jill talked to my therapist because she says that I have to unlearn that my worth is, It's tied to what I accomplished in the day. Like, just because I didn't accomplish the 15 things on my list today doesn't mean that it was unproductive and that I failed for the day. Instead, you gotta look at it as, well, I did these three things and got the kids ready for school. And cook dinner and she's like even though those weren't on your list because it's an everyday thing You still need to reframe the mind to be appreciative that you did those things because you did them Yeah, and that you did three things

Melissa: Yeah, and it's like I know other people too and I feel like you kind of fell into this Where it's like almost like you said you need to [00:38:00] reframe your resting time Like as something that's actually productive for you because it's going to help re energize you It's like I know people who feel like they need permission like someone to just tell them. Yes, you should rest You have to take care of yourself

Samantha: Yeah, simon will be like, all right You need to go lay down in bed or you need to go have a quiet time and i'm like I don't have time for that.

Melissa: But this is a way to like

Samantha: go sit in quiet time. My brain's going Okay, so quiet time i'm gonna give myself five minutes and then during the five minutes i'm thinking I'm All right. So in five minutes, I'm going to go and do this and then I'm gonna do that. And then I'm gonna do this and then I'm gonna do that. And that's my five minutes of quiet time.

Melissa: Yeah. So you could literally like get your, whatever you need while you're doing dishes, I just, that was, that blew my mind.

Jill: Yeah. Yeah. And here's another one that would work probably, , for you, Samantha and feel really supportive is when you're doing your to do lists, um, I'll give you two ways to do it. You could have a have to list and a hope to list. So your have twos are like your fraud. Gotta get done today. Whereas, and so if you accomplish everything on the have to [00:39:00] list, you're golden. But then you also have a hope to list and your hope to list is things that you'd like to get done but like don't beat yourself up if you don't type that. Pre categorizing it. And separating those visually in two different clips.

Melissa: Yeah, it's another way of like giving yourself permission to Yeah. Celebrate the things that I did have to get done got done and I am, have value. Oh, nevermind. Wait, they're not in tied together. You have value regardless.

Jill: But it's a nice transition while you're getting to the new mindset, right? Another way to look at that tactic is high energy versus low energy list. So I always create, , I'm, I have a lot of fluctuation in my energy and most times I have low energy, but occasionally I'll get that day of like, I can power through and do a hundred times the amount anyone else can do, but there are few and far between. So I have, , a low energy to do list for the following day where there's three things on it. And then I have a high energy list, which is more like my hope to [00:40:00] list where if I have enough energy and things are flowing good, this is my to do list. But if not, if I'm having a low energy day, I'm maybe I slept crappy and the kids were up or I've got my period or I'm just I'm not feeling it. Permission to only do low energy tasks, like, that is enough for today.

Melissa: I really like that because it kind of even makes me wonder if it will help you eat the frog a little bit better too, because you're telling yourself, like, this is something that, , I, is hard for me to do, but if I don't get it done today, it's okay.

Samantha: Yeah Totally. Well, I love all these categories and hearing all the the tips because like melissa said You can have a little bit of each and like you said Jill tweaking it just a little bit can work For you.

Melissa: Yeah, that's awesome. I like that

Samantha: Can we circle back for a minute to What so it sounds like [00:41:00] what is intuitive to you because we're talking about human design We're talking about how you intuitively came up with these ideas What brought you to that

Jill: In the last few years, I've really been working on honing my intuition because it's something that as a kid was really strong and I sort of, um, grew out of it or just through our school system and through the way it was raised, it was not encouraged, right? We were meant to learn things in a specific way and not question and learn it and move on. And so, , I kind of, I kind of lost that a little bit and as I became a mom. I realized that, um, I had to do things in a way that felt right for me. And I started to listen to my intuition because I got sucked into that trap of listening, to all of the advice on the internet and it felt so overwhelming. I came to a point where I was like, no, I just, I [00:42:00] I can, the answer is here. The answer is within like, what is my heart, soul, spirit, whatever. What is my intuition saying? , and I've done a lot of work on how I can open up that channel a little bit more and listen more clearly to. And now I'm at a point where there's so many tools I use on a daily basis. I'm moving through my whole day solely based on intuition all the time. And there are things like different practices that I do. There's like numerology that comes into it. There's different, um, body, like I use muscle testing a lot, which is a way of, of using your body to get the answer. So intuition is a really big part of my life.

Samantha: I can relate big time to that. And I just want to say that it's kind of funny that we keep attracting people who rely strongly on their intuition because that's something that we've been, particularly me, like experience, experimenting [00:43:00] with. And it's just so funny that a lot of our, um, guests end up being intuitively led, and that was unintentional.

Melissa: Yeah, I kind of, it made me kind of think about how we've been talking about intuition a lot, every single one of our guests. And it kind of begs the question, do you feel like everybody has an intuitive part of themselves, ability, yes, that they can tap into? Or do you think maybe it's, um, something that can be learned?

Jill: It's definitely, um, innate, I think, in all of us. And the reason that some of us are able to tune into it more strongly than others is practice. And the thing about intuition is, I think of it as just the truth, your truth. And Because we're in lives right now where there is so much noise around us, we tend to have our intuition drowned out. We need to intentionally get quiet to be able to hear it because [00:44:00] it's the truth. It doesn't need to yell and scream to get your intention. It knows it's the truth, right? So it doesn't need to compete. It's there, but we have to go in and listen to it. We have to intentionally quiet the noise. In small spurts, right? To start. Um, You'll notice that when you're out for a walk in nature, or when you're in the shower, or right before bed, that's when you get your creative ideas. That's when you're like, oh, of course! Because you're quiet.

Sam: Well I know we're running short on time, the last thing that I want to talk about, briefly spoke about when we did our little pre interview, is habits. So how do you incorporate all of these things? Cause you know, thinking back, it feels like we were just talking about a lot of things to try and a lot of things to do. So how do we prioritize and structure our day and make it a healthy habit that is productive and a healthy work life balance?

Jill: Yes. [00:45:00] So the thing that I would recommend always is just choose one of the things that you heard in the podcast today and start there.

Cause with habits. Consistency is key. That's the way you develop a habit. Essentially, a habit becomes a subconscious action. So driving to work is a habit. You don't think about it. It's because it's gone from the conscious part of your brain to the subconscious part of your brain, and you just do it automatically. So you have to, that's how we rewire the brain is through consistency. And so you cannot be consistent with a hundred things. You have to start small and you have to take one thing you want to change, whether it's adding in or removing from your life and be consistent about it and have really low expectations. Like if you're wanting to add in movement to your day, like go, um, put on your running shoes. Or step onto the yoga mat, like so ridiculously easy that you're embarrassed if you don't do it. Right? Um, there's [00:46:00] just, there's just no excuse not to. And then you build slowly, like 1%. James Clear, who wrote Atomic Habits, talks about this, and he's like 1 percent every day. 1 percent improvement. And it can change the trajectory of your life 1 percent at a time, but all of a sudden you're going down a completely different path. before you know it. And it doesn't feel like work because it's such small increments. Um, Jerry Seinfeld, when he's developing jokes, Um, he, he practices every day and he has a big calendar and he'll put a red X on every day that goes by that he, he practices creating new jokes. And he says, it's okay to miss one day, but I never miss two in a row. And so taking the pressure off of being perfect, um, Recognizing that life happens and we're all human and we don't get things perfect. That's just not part of the game, but focusing on consistency, because you can control the consistency. You can't always control how the day goes, but you can, you can make sure [00:47:00] that with your ridiculously easy action, you don't miss more than one day in a row. It's so hard to choose what you're going to start with. I was, that's the one thing I did want to ask you before we started. I thought, okay. Okay. The thing that is the hardest for me is I'm a yes person. And so how are you supposed to prioritize? Now I'm, I'm learning. It's about priorities is what I guess I'm learning. But my question was going to be like, how do you time, how do you manage your time when you're saying yes to everything and you don't want to be a no person. Um, but it sounds like it's about priorities and just putting it in level of importance. It's funny that you say that because my little nickname for your type is the yes mom. You know, like we always know the yes man. It's like the yes mom. So, so I get that where I would recommend people start with prioritizing is their intuition and, or if that feels [00:48:00] foreign to you, , writing things down that are, , values of yours and making like on little pieces of paper or post it notes. And then arranging them in order so you can clearly move things up and down and you can see what's at the top of your priority or value list, and it can change from day to day if you need to change your tasks, but making sure that where you're spending your time actually reflects what you value because a lot of us will say, Hey, I really value family. I value adventure. I value fun and we structured our days with no room for any of that. And so we're not we're feeling misaligned because our life doesn't accurately reflect our values. We're not spending our time in a way that supports what we care about. So, of course, we feel like this is crappy. I'm unhappy. Nothing is as I expected it to be. I felt like I'd be farther along. All those types of feelings is because we're not spending our time in the way that we. [00:49:00] Want to.

Samantha: Again, it's like you talk to my therapist, Jill. She like has me say all the things that I wish I could be doing and like incorporate and then I have to give it a number on a scale of one to ten on how time consuming it takes up in my brain to know what seems more important this week. And then that's what you focus on this week. And then like the next week or next month you re evaluate. Okay, where is this rate? This month, where is this right this month? And then you know how to adjust.

Melissa: I feel like I'm hearing two scales and I know we're wrapping up here, but I am going to add, I feel like I'm hearing like a value scale, like a core value, like my values, like you said, family or, or it's community or whatever it is. But then, and you can rate those values, but then in each value, like you might have to move tasks around, like some of my tasks. Where are they, are they taking up, like maybe they're going to take up a lot of time, but it sounds like you kind of need to put that on the value [00:50:00] scale too.

Jill: Absolutely. Nailed it.

Melissa: I like this. This has been really fun. Yeah, Jill. Thank you so much. I feel like there's so much more that you know that we could probably delve into. There is. Yeah. Yeah. So, definitely read her book, right?

Jill: Totally.

Samantha: I will say, follow her on Instagram. I have been following her on Instagram. Uh, what's your handle? Grow like a mother. I've been following her since we have connected, and I will say I enjoy seeing those little videos and each time I, I listened to one, like the one I listened to most recently was, uh, Jill was talking about. If you're longing to connect with a friend that you haven't connected with in a long time, but you don't have time to really sit there and make that phone call and sit on the phone with them for 45 minutes, send them a little voice message of like, Hey, I'm thinking about you. This is what's going on in my life. I would love to hear what's going on in your life. Send that voice memo. And then you feel like you connected with them, even though you didn't have the actual time to have a 45 minute conversation with them. And I was like, I could do that. That's actually really cool.

So, I love the little snippets that she shares on her social media.

Melissa: She's like doable tasks, or not tasks, but she makes your tasks sound doable.

Samantha: Yeah.

Melissa: Okay, I love it. So, grow Like a Mother on Instagram. Also, that's the name of her podcast, which I'm going to be listening to, because I do some driving here and there, and, I love, I want to hear more about what you have to say, so. And then I guess if any of us have time or like to read, definitely check out Happy, Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise, which is Jill Wright's book.

Jill: Thank you. And the book is even structured so that you can literally read one page a day. It's like a page a day calendar in book form. So it's really doable. Everything is tidbits, small bite sized pieces. Okay. Yeah. That's so fun. Thank you.

Samantha: Anything else we need to know?

Well, thank you for having me on. I loved it so much.

Melissa: Me too. Is there, is there one, anything that maybe you felt like we didn't get to say? Like Sam was just saying that you want us to know?

Jill: Uh, I think. Trust yourself is the thing that wants to be said. Trust yourself. Know that even though you have choices, you, you know, you know what's going to be the right thing. You know what's going to be the next best thing and trust yourself that you can make the decision. And if it's the wrong decision, For some reason, trust that you can change your mind.

Melissa: Thank you. I like that, permission to change your mind. It's okay. It's a great way to

Samantha: Jill, we're going to be friends now, just FYI. We're besties.

Melissa: And Sam accomplishes what she sets out to do.

Jill: I'm so happy to have met you, girl.

Samantha: I'm so glad we met you too. I love it.

Melissa: Thank you, Jill. We really appreciate your time.

Jill: It's my pleasure.

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